Page 7 - Family Programming - When a Parent Has Cancer

“My children know about cancer and that it is life threatening. I don’t want to worry them unnecessarily.” • From the time children enter school, they often know the word ‘cancer’ and that it is life-threatening. Parents may worry that the word ‘cancer’ will bring up questions or concerns about death. When parents are concerned themselves about their own future and unsure about the outcome of their treatment, they are often unclear about how to support their children when they don’t have definite answers to their questions. Then why tell them? “After I told my daughter, she told me she knew something was wrong before I told her.” • Children (even very young children) will often have a sense when something is “off”. They may not initially know what it is, but they will pick up on tension, whispered voices, or facial expressions of their parents. • Treatment such as chemotherapy, radiation or surgery will mean changes in family routines and many absences from the home that will be noticed. Treatment may result in side effects that will often be visible or noticed by the children. • Parental cancer impacts their children’s lives. They may need to have different people taking them to sports or school. Relatives may come to stay. • The ill parent may not be able to do all the things they normally do. This can be confusing for the children if they do not understand why. • Sometimes parents use other language to avoid the word cancer. Words like “sick” or “boo boo” can lead children to assume it is like other illness such as colds, the flu or scrapes which they get too, some of which are contagious. • Although sharing the diagnosis does indeed bring up worries and concerns, it also opens a door for communication and discussion so that children to identify and talk about their feelings. • Children tell us that although they wish their parent did not get cancer in the first place, they are glad they have been told and included in something that affects their world. This is shown repeatedly in both the research and through our experience. 7