Page 8 - Family Programming - When a Parent Has Cancer

How do I tell them? • Prepare by talking about it with another adult first. Doing so allows you to rehearse difficult parts and express your feelings while not in their presence. It also helps to problem solve about how you will handle difficult questions. • Set aside a time when you will not be interrupted. If you have a partner, share the news together. It is best to tell the children yourself if you are able. If it is too difficult, have your partner or another close adult tell them with you present. It is usually a good idea to share the information with the whole family present. Individual needs or questions can be dealt with separately. • Use basic language to describe what is happening and keep it brief. • Identify that it is cancer and what kind of cancer. For example, “I found out today that I have a type of cancer that is in the blood. It is called leukemia.” • Young children may need to be told what cancer is. A good description for little ones is to explain that our bodies are made up of cells and that usually cells do what they are supposed to do and keep us healthy. But, sometimes cells get all messed up and grow out of control and cause us to be sick. When that happens, it is called ‘cancer’. • Identify what the next steps are for treatment. For example, “Mommy will have to go for a surgery to get the cancer out. After that she will need to get some medicine called chemotherapy to make sure that they got all the cancer.” • Tell them how this will impact their lives specifically. For example, “Because Mommy has to go for treatment, Grandma is going to stay with us and help us before and after school.” • Ask them if they have any questions. Let them know there are no bad or stupid questions and that sometimes they might think of questions later and that they can talk about it at any time. • Allow them to do what they need after they learn. Some children may cry and become quite upset and then need to go off and do something to distract themselves. Others may be clingy, while others need to be alone. There is no right or wrong way for them to behave. Allow them to choose it and be supportive of that choice. • Parents tell us that usually children react in a way that is in keeping with what parents would expect from that particular child. For example, if a child typically reacts in a “big” way to difficult news or change, then they usually do this when learning about the diagnosis. A child who typically reacts by becoming quiet and withdrawing usually does this. There is no “right way” to react, only what comes naturally to the child. 8 8