Page 9 - Family Programming - When a Parent Has Cancer

How much information do they need? • The amount of information or detail needed depends on the age and developmental stage of the child and also on their personality. • All children benefit from knowing that: a) it is cancer, b) what kind of cancer it is and what to expect regarding treatment and c) how it will affect their lives directly. • Let them know that there is nothing that they did to cause the cancer and that it is not contagious in any way. • Some children will be very inquisitive and may want detailed explanations about cancer. It is best to allow for these questions and to answer them as honestly as possible. If they ask questions you don’t know the answer to, you can offer to look into them or ask your doctor the next chance you get, and that you will let them know the answer at another time. It can help to have a pad of paper to write the questions down so they see you making note of them. What if they ask me if I will get better or even if I am going to die from cancer? • Parents tell us this is the number one fear that they have about sharing the diagnosis with their children. • It is normal for children to wonder and worry about this. • The goals of answering this question are: a) be honest, b) stick to what you know, c) discuss what to hope for, and d) if you can, ask them what they think about or feel when they think about it. • Examples of possible responses: • For an early stage cancer you might say “Some people do die from cancer, but the doctors have told me that they feel pretty sure that we can get rid of it. I will do everything I can to get rid of the cancer and I feel hopeful that I am going to be OK. I promise I will tell you if I am getting better and even if something isn’t working … I will let you know, no matter what.” • For a more advanced cancer you might say: “I have a type of cancer that it is hard to get rid of. All of the things I am doing are trying to shrink the cancer and make it smaller, or at least keep it from getting bigger. I am hoping that I can live with this cancer. I can let you know if it is growing or changing so that you will know. When you think of Daddy dying from cancer, do you feel sad or scared?“ • When the cancer is terminal and progressing, please refer to “Helping Children Cope when a Parent has Terminal Cancer”. 9 9