Page 12 - Family Programming - When a Parent Has Cancer

Pre-schoolers: • Likely do not have an understanding of cancer • May not understand the difference between a mild illness like a cold, and a serious illness like cancer • May “forget” that you told them about your illness and need you to tell them frequently or re-ask questions they have already asked • May react with anxiousness when separated from their parent • May use play or acting related to illness to express themselves • May regress somewhat; e.g., if toilet trained, may wet the bed • May think cancer is contagious. School age: • Likely know generally about cancer as a term but may not understand what it is • May make the assumption that cancer is terminal or curable based on their own experiences; e.g., if only know about Terry Fox, may assume people die from cancer, or, if they had an aunt with cancer who is well now, may assume it is curable • May think that it is something that they did that caused it or that they can cure it with their behaviours or thoughts (this is called magical thinking) • May react with anxiousness when separated from parent • May show anxiousness about attending school • May show regression; e.g., more frequent mood swings or temper tantrums • May not be able to identify or say how they feel in words but may show it through play or art • May be embarrassed about their parents cancer; e.g., if parent is bald because of the attention that it brings from others, or makes them feel different than their friends • May worry about both the parent who is ill and also worry that the well parent may get sick. Teens: • Most know basically what cancer is but may still have misconceptions about it • Likely do not know in detail about cancer but is capable of understanding it • More likely to look toward the internet for information about your diagnosis • May have concerns about life and death and how the family would manage • Feel caught and confused between the process of becoming independent and being pulled closer to the family because of the illness • May react to additional responsibility that falls to them due to their parent’s illness • May take out frustration and anger on family members • May have difficulty identifying and expressing emotions. 12 12